What is this when you say, I've killed about a hundred? Can you improve this poem, or how can I?

Someone whose words you heard or read (probably a poem) has caused you pain and you can’t speak back, have not spoken back (in a year?), not because you didn't want to but probably because he sort of a stranger (unaccustomed to you). You ached to reach him but there are other hardships that sought for his attention, leaving you thus unattended, forgotten, refused - is how I read this gem of a poem.